As a Christian, I don’t disagree with you in the slightest—I have also been following this story with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach all week, hoping for real confession/repentance/accountability/change from the church, and my sick feeling is deeply linked to what you say about this being sadly on brand for 21st century American Christianity. Cheap platitudes as a substitute for the costly work of repentance and repair. Cheap invocations of ideas of original sin/nobody’s-perfect-theory as a cover for structural abuse of power and a justification for failure to reform—as if “I used my position of power to put children at risk” is in any way analogous to “I sometimes lose my temper/eat more ice cream than I should”. Rejection of truth, when acceptance of the truth would cost more than the recital of a formula. Rejection of *people*, where acceptance of them would cost more than a vague “I love x but he is very troubled” escape. Rejection, above all, of true humility, of accepting real accountability to others—even others who don’t comply with your belief system—and accepting truth and love and *correction* from people you would prefer to patronise.
I have read John Ortberg’s books, at a time in my life when I was depressed and looking for a way to handle depression within my Christian worldview. I remember being upheld by some parts of his work while being uneasy about other aspects—there’s a kind of slipperiness, a refusal to name specific acts and behaviours and choices, in the way that he (and many in my tradition) talk about sin and grace and repentance and love and reconciliation. I used to think this stuff was just a bit sloppy and emotionalised but I now think it’s a disguise for something much worse: a way of eliding and avoiding abuse of power, conflating mistakes with deliberate infliction of harm and conflating repentance as an emotional state with the real work of accountability and restitution.
I am very sad about this. Sad for Daniel and his family’s failure to accept him and his gifts—above all his gift of moral clarity and compassion—and of course sad for the children who have been put at risk and his brother who has not been given the advice and support that is really necessary for someone with his condition. I am still a Christian because I believe that God is not in these structures of power and concealment and that God is always on the side of truth, justice, and the protection of the powerless, that Daniel’s voice at this time is far more a prophetic voice than his father’s has been. But I feel ashamed to be a Christian too when I look at what’s going on in my church globally and how much time we have had to be taught this lesson and yet how resistant we are to learning it.
As a Christian, clergy even (which sometimes I almost want to apologize for given how poorly many clergy behave), I absolutely agree with your assessment here. Every word of it. I, too, have been following this very closely and am just absolutely appalled at the level of corruption - not surprised, given the state of our country - but furious that this has happened. And, at the same time, I'm heartbroken for Danny and his wife and the terrible things that people have said about them and to them.
As a Christian, clergy even (which sometimes I almost want to apologize for given how poorly many clergy behave), I absolutely agree with your assessment here. Every word of it. I, too, have been following this very closely and am just absolutely appalled at the level of corruption - not surprised, given the state of our country - but furious that this has happened. And, at the same time, I'm heartbroken for Danny and his wife and the terrible things that people have said about them and to them.
I keep trying to keep my cynicism about Christian institutions out of this, and leave it to say that seemingly ALL institutions immediately close ranks to protect the institution rather than the victims- the Catholic church, Michigan State and USA Gymnastics, Penn State- and what is protecting the institution about? Its about the bottom line- money. And in the same sense the Ortbergs are an institution. They want to suckle at the multi-million dollar teat and enjoy the riches, status and privilege. And finally, something I haven't seen commented on enough, is that as a child, being subjected to an adult who is romantically interested in you IS HARMFUL- that is not OK. Its abusive, and damaging in itself. I have known personally of many friends who have been in this exact situation. They were able, in most cases without the assistance of parents or other adults, to extract themselves from the situation or avoid further harm, but it was a life changing experience (and not in a positive way) for all of them. A powder keg is right. How long before treating young boys to romantic love from a looked-up to authority figure until one boy who for whatever reason, wants to pursue it further, feels good in that much needed light of love. Where are the safeguards, daddy preacher, therapists, church community, church elders etc then? They aren't there, its just the pedophile and his virtue and his desires. And that is not something I would ever want any child exposed to, or made to be a victim of. The family and the church protected Johnny, and no one was protecting the children who are not able to consent or understand these complexities.
Sorry, I wanted to add, and also the sister! I hate it when people say "I wouldn't want this to happen to my kid!" Well fucking great! You meet a kind of minimum bar for parenting. As to being a human being, and not wanting this to happen to another human being, well you are far below the mark there. Not that she said that, but her actions betray exactly that line of thinking, she wouldn't allow him to be alone with her son, so she in fact does not want her kid exposed to that, but others? Well, do we get to keep our multi-million dollar money stream? Hmmm...well ok then. And finally, it isn't about all human beings are flawed, everyone makes mistakes, no one is right all the time. Yes of course, welcome to being human. People are flawed, make mistakes, lie, cover up, etc. Yes, absolutely, and we should approach that, whenever possible, with compassion and an attempt at forgiveness that is not rooted in an apology, as difficult as that is. BUT! Those kinds of mistakes cannot be allowed in positions of power. Once you make it, you're out. What happens next, real honesty, making amends however possible, making different decisions, well great- go find another church, university, business, institution to start with full acknowledgement of past mistakes. OK phew- so you're not the only one quite worked up about this.
I am a Christian. I have several of Ortberg's books on my shelf right now, books that have helped me immensely in my spiritual growth. And a sermon on anxiety that Laura Turner gave at Menlo has helped me too.
Yet, when I read the initial story in February, I knew that the choices the Ortbergs had made were unquestionably wrong. And like you, the story that Daniel knew the identity of the volunteer didn't make much sense to me -- until the volunteer was publicly identified at the end of June. That revelation just made the choices of the family exponentially worse and Daniel's stance/actions all the more admirable. What so deeply saddens me is that Ortberg Jr still doesn't understand the depth of his duplicity, viewing his "restoration" process complete. It can't be complete when you don't fully admit your wrongdoing -- and that means he really isn't taking biblical teaching on this matter seriously (see Nathan's confrontation with David regarding his adultery with Bathsheba).
As a Christian, I view all humans as broken in some way or another. That's where God's grace comes in. But John and Nancy's brokenness must not be allowed to harm others -- they need to be removed from leadership now (it should have been much sooner). The church elder board has also sought to hide information and protect the Ortbergs while mistreating Daniel, and that board should be removed as well.
Thank you for sharing your views. They bring clarity to my own soul. And I hope my words let you know that some Christians want abuse exposed and addressed -- that's love of God and neighbor in action. Peace.
Really well said. As a Christian and someone who attends Menlo, I forgave the first time around and I will forgive the second time around. But as a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand firsthand the risk they they took with Menlo’s children. I don’t think they get it. They hid truths from us, and they knew it wild eventually get out. Very hurtful and deceitful.
THANK YOU! I feel like we’re having parallel experiences here. This so eloquently describes exactly how awful the Ortbergs are. While they can all go fuck right off, it was Laura’s last tweet that made me want to set my own house on fire in rage. “Lol that’s all I’m gonna say byeeeee!” All. LIARS.
Months ago, I told two pastors and the elder board that people had guessed, would guess, and that the whole story was going to come out. I begged them to call in an actual credible third party. They didn't.
If they had come out with the whole story, it would have been better. My head is spinning as someone who attends Menlo..... and I am a survivor of sexual abuse.
There's a reason Denial is the first lesson in CR. It's the first step in the direction of healing to say no to more denial of a problem. Get the Iii the help he asked for and keeo moving towards healing. Taking a blue chip tomorrow for "TURN", will you join me?
Yeah. That laptop was NOT clean. You can bet your bottom dollar. Christians quite often make me sick with their duplicity. There is more of THIS behavior than we know. A LOT of secrets in the name of Jesus. I don't trust mega-preachers any farther than I can spit in the wind. fro them - it's all about the money. Anything and everything for the money. He didn't want to kill the cash cow. 10% tithing in the Bay Area... BOY HOWDY!
Thank you for this article. I want to also point out that John III is a grad student in physics. All physics grad students have facility with computers and have to know how to code to do their work. For me, this adds another layer of shudder to this whole horrifying situation. A guy like that can do whatever he wants on a computer and knows how to hide it so much better than the average person.
As a Christian, I don’t disagree with you in the slightest—I have also been following this story with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach all week, hoping for real confession/repentance/accountability/change from the church, and my sick feeling is deeply linked to what you say about this being sadly on brand for 21st century American Christianity. Cheap platitudes as a substitute for the costly work of repentance and repair. Cheap invocations of ideas of original sin/nobody’s-perfect-theory as a cover for structural abuse of power and a justification for failure to reform—as if “I used my position of power to put children at risk” is in any way analogous to “I sometimes lose my temper/eat more ice cream than I should”. Rejection of truth, when acceptance of the truth would cost more than the recital of a formula. Rejection of *people*, where acceptance of them would cost more than a vague “I love x but he is very troubled” escape. Rejection, above all, of true humility, of accepting real accountability to others—even others who don’t comply with your belief system—and accepting truth and love and *correction* from people you would prefer to patronise.
I have read John Ortberg’s books, at a time in my life when I was depressed and looking for a way to handle depression within my Christian worldview. I remember being upheld by some parts of his work while being uneasy about other aspects—there’s a kind of slipperiness, a refusal to name specific acts and behaviours and choices, in the way that he (and many in my tradition) talk about sin and grace and repentance and love and reconciliation. I used to think this stuff was just a bit sloppy and emotionalised but I now think it’s a disguise for something much worse: a way of eliding and avoiding abuse of power, conflating mistakes with deliberate infliction of harm and conflating repentance as an emotional state with the real work of accountability and restitution.
I am very sad about this. Sad for Daniel and his family’s failure to accept him and his gifts—above all his gift of moral clarity and compassion—and of course sad for the children who have been put at risk and his brother who has not been given the advice and support that is really necessary for someone with his condition. I am still a Christian because I believe that God is not in these structures of power and concealment and that God is always on the side of truth, justice, and the protection of the powerless, that Daniel’s voice at this time is far more a prophetic voice than his father’s has been. But I feel ashamed to be a Christian too when I look at what’s going on in my church globally and how much time we have had to be taught this lesson and yet how resistant we are to learning it.
As a Christian, clergy even (which sometimes I almost want to apologize for given how poorly many clergy behave), I absolutely agree with your assessment here. Every word of it. I, too, have been following this very closely and am just absolutely appalled at the level of corruption - not surprised, given the state of our country - but furious that this has happened. And, at the same time, I'm heartbroken for Danny and his wife and the terrible things that people have said about them and to them.
As a Christian, clergy even (which sometimes I almost want to apologize for given how poorly many clergy behave), I absolutely agree with your assessment here. Every word of it. I, too, have been following this very closely and am just absolutely appalled at the level of corruption - not surprised, given the state of our country - but furious that this has happened. And, at the same time, I'm heartbroken for Danny and his wife and the terrible things that people have said about them and to them.
I keep trying to keep my cynicism about Christian institutions out of this, and leave it to say that seemingly ALL institutions immediately close ranks to protect the institution rather than the victims- the Catholic church, Michigan State and USA Gymnastics, Penn State- and what is protecting the institution about? Its about the bottom line- money. And in the same sense the Ortbergs are an institution. They want to suckle at the multi-million dollar teat and enjoy the riches, status and privilege. And finally, something I haven't seen commented on enough, is that as a child, being subjected to an adult who is romantically interested in you IS HARMFUL- that is not OK. Its abusive, and damaging in itself. I have known personally of many friends who have been in this exact situation. They were able, in most cases without the assistance of parents or other adults, to extract themselves from the situation or avoid further harm, but it was a life changing experience (and not in a positive way) for all of them. A powder keg is right. How long before treating young boys to romantic love from a looked-up to authority figure until one boy who for whatever reason, wants to pursue it further, feels good in that much needed light of love. Where are the safeguards, daddy preacher, therapists, church community, church elders etc then? They aren't there, its just the pedophile and his virtue and his desires. And that is not something I would ever want any child exposed to, or made to be a victim of. The family and the church protected Johnny, and no one was protecting the children who are not able to consent or understand these complexities.
Sorry, I wanted to add, and also the sister! I hate it when people say "I wouldn't want this to happen to my kid!" Well fucking great! You meet a kind of minimum bar for parenting. As to being a human being, and not wanting this to happen to another human being, well you are far below the mark there. Not that she said that, but her actions betray exactly that line of thinking, she wouldn't allow him to be alone with her son, so she in fact does not want her kid exposed to that, but others? Well, do we get to keep our multi-million dollar money stream? Hmmm...well ok then. And finally, it isn't about all human beings are flawed, everyone makes mistakes, no one is right all the time. Yes of course, welcome to being human. People are flawed, make mistakes, lie, cover up, etc. Yes, absolutely, and we should approach that, whenever possible, with compassion and an attempt at forgiveness that is not rooted in an apology, as difficult as that is. BUT! Those kinds of mistakes cannot be allowed in positions of power. Once you make it, you're out. What happens next, real honesty, making amends however possible, making different decisions, well great- go find another church, university, business, institution to start with full acknowledgement of past mistakes. OK phew- so you're not the only one quite worked up about this.
I am a Christian. I have several of Ortberg's books on my shelf right now, books that have helped me immensely in my spiritual growth. And a sermon on anxiety that Laura Turner gave at Menlo has helped me too.
Yet, when I read the initial story in February, I knew that the choices the Ortbergs had made were unquestionably wrong. And like you, the story that Daniel knew the identity of the volunteer didn't make much sense to me -- until the volunteer was publicly identified at the end of June. That revelation just made the choices of the family exponentially worse and Daniel's stance/actions all the more admirable. What so deeply saddens me is that Ortberg Jr still doesn't understand the depth of his duplicity, viewing his "restoration" process complete. It can't be complete when you don't fully admit your wrongdoing -- and that means he really isn't taking biblical teaching on this matter seriously (see Nathan's confrontation with David regarding his adultery with Bathsheba).
As a Christian, I view all humans as broken in some way or another. That's where God's grace comes in. But John and Nancy's brokenness must not be allowed to harm others -- they need to be removed from leadership now (it should have been much sooner). The church elder board has also sought to hide information and protect the Ortbergs while mistreating Daniel, and that board should be removed as well.
Thank you for sharing your views. They bring clarity to my own soul. And I hope my words let you know that some Christians want abuse exposed and addressed -- that's love of God and neighbor in action. Peace.
Really well said. As a Christian and someone who attends Menlo, I forgave the first time around and I will forgive the second time around. But as a survivor of sexual abuse, I understand firsthand the risk they they took with Menlo’s children. I don’t think they get it. They hid truths from us, and they knew it wild eventually get out. Very hurtful and deceitful.
well said Susan
Kate I am also FURIOUS! Seems like the Ortbergs were protected...but not so much the kids at the church...
THANK YOU! I feel like we’re having parallel experiences here. This so eloquently describes exactly how awful the Ortbergs are. While they can all go fuck right off, it was Laura’s last tweet that made me want to set my own house on fire in rage. “Lol that’s all I’m gonna say byeeeee!” All. LIARS.
Danny and Grace are class acts and lovely humans.
Months ago, I told two pastors and the elder board that people had guessed, would guess, and that the whole story was going to come out. I begged them to call in an actual credible third party. They didn't.
So unbelievably frustrating.
If they had come out with the whole story, it would have been better. My head is spinning as someone who attends Menlo..... and I am a survivor of sexual abuse.
There's a reason Denial is the first lesson in CR. It's the first step in the direction of healing to say no to more denial of a problem. Get the Iii the help he asked for and keeo moving towards healing. Taking a blue chip tomorrow for "TURN", will you join me?
Yeah. That laptop was NOT clean. You can bet your bottom dollar. Christians quite often make me sick with their duplicity. There is more of THIS behavior than we know. A LOT of secrets in the name of Jesus. I don't trust mega-preachers any farther than I can spit in the wind. fro them - it's all about the money. Anything and everything for the money. He didn't want to kill the cash cow. 10% tithing in the Bay Area... BOY HOWDY!
Thank you for this article. I want to also point out that John III is a grad student in physics. All physics grad students have facility with computers and have to know how to code to do their work. For me, this adds another layer of shudder to this whole horrifying situation. A guy like that can do whatever he wants on a computer and knows how to hide it so much better than the average person.
That is so horrible. The things that go on in this world make me sad.